Archive | Movies

The Mechanic – Review

Posted on 28 January 2011 by Kevin Minke

Starring Jason Statham, Ben Foster, Donald Sutherland, Tony Goldwyn, and Mini Anden.
Rating: 4/5 stars

Within the first 15 minutes of this film you have everything an action movie needs; a bad guy (drug lord), an awesome kill, the hero escapes and then a beautiful woman getting down and dirty with him. What more can you ask for? Depth, 3-Dimensional characters, beautiful cinematography. Well in this reviewers humble opinion it has the action formula’s version of all of these. Now for those out there that do not know already, this is a remake of a classic Charles Bronson film of the same name from 1972. Like many of you out there, I had not seen the original before watching this version, and I’m really glad I had not. I came in not knowing where things were going, though I had a good idea from my extensive knowledge of film, nor did I have my critical comperative glasses on like many of the other critics in the audience.

If you liked The Transporter or any of the action films that Jason Statham has been in, then you should like this film. This story of betrayal, revenge and homicide has a good dose of humor and an excellent mixture of action and exposition. The original in my opinion, and I know I’ll get flamed for this somewhere out there, is just not as good as this great little remake. In good 1970′s form it takes a long while for the movie to open up and let you in. Though the truly disappointing aspects of the film are the characters that I just couldn’t really relate to. In the new Mechanic they aren’t just psychopaths out to kill cause it feels good, they have doubts and concerns though they still follow the job. This just breathes more life into not only Statham’s Arthur Bishop but into the reasons why he trains Steve McKenna (Ben Foster). Foster does of a great job of playing the disappointing son, that a lot of us can relate to, and strives to make something more of himself thanks to Bishop pulling him from a downward spiral of revenge.

If you’re looking for a good dose of action and some great Statham fight scenes then you can not ask for anything better than this. Believe me you will not be sorry.

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No Strings Attached: Review

Posted on 21 January 2011 by @brihannajoi

Starring: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Kline
Director: Ivan Reitman

No Strings Attached is the story of two friends who decide commitment is not their thing and settle on

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VHS Hell: Xtro

Posted on 20 January 2011 by mjones

This episode on the new video series “VHS Hell with Matthew Jones” we look at XTRO, the best 1983 British Sci-Fi Movie to feature the eating of snakeeggs and face rape in a tentacle fashion ever! Unlike all those other 1983 British Sci-Fi Movies to feature the eating of snake eggs and face rape in a tentacle fashion, this one is enjoyable.

Making it all the more enjoyable is the excellent Boob-age provided by the simply delightful Maryam d’Abo (making her theatrical debut here), whom you might remember from The Living Daylights and ShootFighter.

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Hobo With A Shotgun Poster Released

Posted on 16 January 2011 by Christian

It’s already developed a cult following thanks to its title alone and the casting of

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Blackbeard’s Flag From Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Revealed!

Posted on 31 December 2010 by Christian

The menacing flag from Blackbeard’s ship, the Queen Anne’s Revenge, has been revealed by producer Jerry Bruckheimer in a tweet earlier today…

irates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides captures the fun, adventure and humor that ignited the hit franchise

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Tron Legacy: Review

Posted on 21 December 2010 by mpena

Tron Legacy, as you may or may not know is a sequel to Tron which came out in 1982. It was long before anyone knew what the hell a Windows or Mac based operating system was. Surely no one would have known that 28 years later you’d be carrying a phone in your pocket that was more powerful than the computer NASA used to send Apollo missions to the moon. That’s a simple fact you need to take into account when watching Tron Legacy. Also, Tron Legacy has practically nothing to do with the character named Tron and furthermore it has almost nothing to do with computers. There I said it. The Tron films have almost nothing to do with computers. I was personally never that big on computers anyway. I never even touched a Windows based computer until I was in college and I owned four different cars before I ever owned a single computer. When I was a kid watching the original Tron, as far I knew this movie about programs battling it out in gladiator games inside a computer was 100% scientifically accurate. I really didn’t know what the hell was going on but it looked really, really cool. For the sequel they could have concocted a storyline that was somehow more related to today’s technology. Maybe the whole movie could have taken placed inside of an I-phone but they didn’t. They chose to spin off into an alternate realty that’s more akin to the world Tron set up almost 30 years ago. One where no one ever heard of Bill Gates and Steve Job’s claim to fame might have been starting the most successful staffing agency in the history.

That’s just the choice they made. Get over it and let’s move on.

Everything you’ve heard about Tron Legacy is true. Yes, the computer generated de-aged Jeff Bridges looks a little stiff and unrealistic most of the time. Yes, there are slightly overlong scenes of exposition and dialogue that are probably a good time to take a bathroom break. Yes, the story line is wafer thin and yet confusing at the same time. But most importantly, YES, the 3-D and the Daft Punk soundtrack kick fucking ass. I don’t really feel the need to explain the plot of Tron Legacy in this review because honestly it doesn’t matter. And I’m not saying it’s bad, I actually enjoyed it. I, like a lot of people, can relate to the story of a young man with abandonment issues wanting to re-connect with his father. In my case it just never took place inside computer grid…whatever that is. It’s not that important. The film is at it worst when it tries to explain everything to the audience and at it’s best when Daft Punk is channeling John Carpenter on the soundtrack over multi-level 3-D light cycle fights on screen. It’s fantasy. We’ll figure it out or make up our own answer. I promise. It’s not the best written movie ever made but having just re-watched the original Tron, I’d say it’s just as good if not better written than the original. I don’t remember anyone ever reminiscing about how well written Tron was. But, they do remember that it looked fucking cool. If Aaron Sorkin wrote the instruction manual to your I-pad, would it make your apps any better? It’s irrelevant. The effects that were cutting edge in 1982 and now look hilariously dated are replaced effects that are exponentially, mind blowingly (is that a word?), better in 2010. And that’s really what it’s all about isn’t? It’s about marveling at the digital landscape that you’re seeing on screen. It’s about the experience. And on that level, Tron Legacy delivers.

Tron Legacy is a family friendly 3-D action adventure fantasy that everyone can enjoy. FYI, that’s generally what a Disney logo at the beginning of a film implies. If you’ve been standing on pins and needles feverishly anticipating Tron Legacy‘s arrival because you assumed it would a life changing experience you just might be disappointed. No film could ever live up to that kind of hype. But, if you take the whole family to see Tron Legacy on Christmas day you’ll have a good time at the movies. And maybe, just maybe, you can find the 8 year old in you, who never even knew, much less gave a shit how computers worked but, thought they were really, really cool. And then you can

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It’s True Grit review time @ thenoobnews…

Posted on 17 December 2010 by TH3 No08

It’s hard for me to review a Coen brothers movie and not hold them to a higher standard than I hold most other film makers. It’s not fair to them that I consider their body of work up to this point the most well produced, expertly written, and superbly directed collection of films I have ever seen.

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MAGNET wants to dispense justice one shell at a time.

Posted on 08 December 2010 by mpena

Wow. That was fast.

We were just discussing the premiere of Jason Eisener’s Hobo With A Shotgun at next months Sundance Film Festival, on the Noob News podcast we recorded a few minutes ago when word got out that Magnet has already picked it up for U.S. distribution.


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Das Racist bringing 8-bit Hip Hop action to Sundance 2011.

Posted on 06 December 2010 by mpena

Hey if Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World left your hungry for some more 8-Bit video game action, check out the Video for “Who’s That? Brooown!” which will be playing

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The Twilight Saga: Eclipse (Two-Disc Special Edition) Review

Posted on 06 December 2010 by TH3 No08

While you may argue the merit of the Twilight saga of films, and many certainly have up to this point, you certainly can’t argue that they know how to take care of their fans when it comes to the special edition DVD’s they release. In an age of penny pinching by studios

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Posted on 03 December 2010 by mpena

The Warrior’s Way is a goofy, hyper stylized, ultra violent fairy tale set in the old west. It centers on Yang (Dong-gun Jang), an assassin who has practiced his whole life to become the greatest swordsman in the world…ever. After besting the last member of a rival clan, he finds that his heart is empty and flees to America with the infant daughter of his last victim. In his search for an old friend, he happens upon a small town full of circus performers and meets the spunky Lynne (Kate Bosworth). The two quickly hit it off and Yang finds what was missing in his life. The simple things like, planting a garden, sunsets, and friendship begin to fill the void left by a lifetime of violence. But, we all know that won’t last. And when the town is threatened by a band of rouge soldiers, not to mention an army of vengeful ninjas who have tracked Yang down, all digital bloody hell breaks loose.

If you caught the trailer for Cowboys & Aliens recently and cannot wait for some genre bending fun, The Warrior’s Way might tide you over till next summer. You should know going in, the movie is not trying to portray any kind of realty. It’s complete fantasy. The effects are not on par with most studio blockbusters (the green screened backgrounds sometimes look like screenshots from Mortal Kombat) but it’s got a lot cool bloody ninjas vs. cowboys action. The whole film is shot on soundstage against a green screen ala Sin City but if you can get past that, it’s pretty fun. I happened to see a film print of it but if you can find it projected digitally at your favorite Cineplex, I’d bet it would look pretty darn sharp. Geoffrey Rush adds a little bit of Oscar clout to the film as Ron, the town drunk with a checkered past. The film feels pretty silly at first but it grows on ya and builds to bullet ridden splatter filled climax that features (as far as I know) the first ever use of a Ferris wheel in a shoot out. Thirteen year old boys will love this movie. Unfortunately they will all be buying tickets to Megamind and then sneaking in to The Warrior’s Way because of it’s richly deserved R rating. It’s graphically violent and features pixels after pixels of digital blood. But if your like me and you’ve grown a little tired of 3D cartoons and teenage wizards at the movies lately, The Warrior’s Way is a bloody fun change of pace. Check it out and take your thirteen year old nephews with you.

After all, a little digital blood never hurt anybody.

Have you guys seen it? I’d love to hear what you thought!

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The Best Films of 2010 (so far)

Posted on 01 December 2010 by mpena

So…December is here and Hollywood has their Oscar guns loaded and cocked as we head into the Holiday season. As we wait we baited breath for studios to pull the trigger on such eagerly anticipated films as True Grit, Tron Legacy, Black Swan and,

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Gnomeo and Juliet

Posted on 30 November 2010 by lreed

One of the greatest love stories ever told starring

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Chris Morris (Four Lions): An Introduction

Posted on 30 November 2010 by mjones

To most Americans, Chris Morris is a new face. His film Four Lions, reviewed HERE, has been receiving critical praise, and garnering both interest and condemnation (mostly from folks who haven’t seen the film and feel that its making light of an “untouchable” subject), but just who is Chris Morris, other than the funny boss on The IT Crowd? A lot of folks Stateside are wondering.

Well pull down the shades and kill the lights; It’s time to get dark. I am here to give you a briefing on the mans work, and touch a little on the man Himself.

Chris Morris has been a longtime staple of British Television and Radio. Starting in the late 80′s, his first real fame with the General British Public came with his writing and starring inThe Day Today show,

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Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Review

Posted on 28 November 2010 by TH3 No08

This is not what I signed up for. That’s the thought that kept going through my head as I sat watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I was expecting action, adventure, intrigue, and mystery. What I got was an overwrought drama ripe with poor pacing, questionable narrative choices, and what amounts to a movie based on what I feel to be weakest book of the series.

It’s an issue that has really been present since the beginning of this series but usually it’s the other way around. I would read the book finding it at times breathtaking, heartbreaking, and at the least interesting but often it just didn’t transfer to the screen. I found most of the problems with the earlier movies to be the fact that they tried to cut a book that could have been made into three or four movies into a single film. Integral parts would be left out or important character developing scenes that played to the overall story were left on the cutting room floor to make room for action sequences and such. I can’t blame them, there’s a lot of material there to pull from but ultimately a few poor decisions on the director’s behalf have left many of the previous entries a bit flat. I will say this though, up until this point the movies had become incrementally better as they got the Potter formula mixed, but they really seemed to drop the ball regarding this latest entry.

It’s not like I didn’t see this coming, I knew from the first day I picked up The Deathly Hallows that they would struggle to turn this movie into something interesting. I really felt for the first time that this movie would actually be helped by sizing down bits and pieces from this book and had they stuck with the formula they had been working with they surely would have had a decent finale to wrap it up with. That is until they got greedy. Someone decided if they split up the book into too parts they could maximize profits. Big mistake. The boring parts of the book have now become central to the plot. Almost the entire second act of the movie, which in a shorter version would have been a fifteen minute montage, leads us on a tedious journey into the wilds of Potter Land, where apparently all you do is argue, share exposition until you reveal a clue, and argue some more.

Ultimately this movie is exactly what the book was, an overwritten money grab. An opportunity to stretch the already thin narrative to the breaking point in order to maximize profit points. The only thing we have to look forward to now is how Hollywood rewrites the ending to the movie so they can go out on their own and start making their own Potter movies, cartoons, and TV shows. Here’s what I suggest, Harry finds out that Hermione is his sister, Ron is a ginger robot servant, and Valdemort is your father Harry! I smell prequels! Somebody get Lucas on the phone and see if he’s interested in directing this for us.

the noob has spoken…

image courtesy of google images

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Love and Other Drugs: Review

Posted on 24 November 2010 by mpena

Love And Other Drugs is about a pharmaceutical rep/cocksman played by Jake Gyllenhaal, who reps Viagra back during the great boner boom of the late 1990′s. He falls for an eccentric artist/nymphomaniac with Parkinson’s disease, played by the often naked Anne Hathaway. The film itself feels a lot like an erection that has gone on too long. After about 113 minutes it becomes painful and pretty much all you can do it sit and wait for it to go away. It’s not all bad. There is a very “R” rated romantic comedy going on here and for the most part it fairly entertaining. But the film dances around plots turns that you see coming a mile away. It won’t just get to the point. I’m not spoiling anything by telling you that the two lovers somehow make it work in the end. We knew that was going to happen. Don’t believe me? Just ask the trailer…

OK…so you get it, right? That’s pretty much all the major beats in two and a half minutes. Imagine that trailer stretched out to about two hours with some fairly graphic sex scenes and lots Anne Hathaway naked mixed in and BAM you’ve got yourselves a Thanksgiving

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Sons of Perdition: Review

Posted on 23 November 2010 by Dana Archip

Directed by: Jennilyn Merten

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Posted on 23 November 2010 by mpena

So… we walked into Skyline after catching a matinee of Unstoppable (which I really liked and recommend). I’d heard some bad things about Skyline, but the trailer had made me quite curious. I figured it deserved it’s day in court.

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Review: Saw 3D

Posted on 18 November 2010 by TH3 No08

When dealing with a movie such as Saw 3D, one must take into consideration three things. One, do I have eighty minutes to spare? Sure, I’m a movie nerd, what else do I have but time. Two, am I susceptible to becoming squeamish at the sight of seeing a large fish hook on a string pulled from the stomach through the mouth? Yes, but I never let a fishhook throat gag get in the way of a good story. And three, do I honesty care that Carey Elwes’s career has sunk to the level that he must partake in such a sorry excuse for a movie? I’ve never seen The Princess Bride so I don’t hold him in nearly the high regard as most people so I decided to see it.

Let’s get straight to the point, this was an awful movie and by awful I mean there really seemed to be no point in what I was seeing on the screen. No character development, no interesting dialogue, not one opportunity to establish that I should really care at all for the people being ripped to pieces and splattered about the room (other than the fact that it was in 3D). What’s the point of killing people off if nobody watching the movie cares? There’s absolutely no emotional impact when somebody dies. Even when the wife of one of the main characters gets burned alive after her lying husband fails to save her and she perishes in front of him I felt nothing for her, him, or the family members they may or may not have left behind (who knows, like I said no character development). By the time one killing gag was over I had pretty much forgotten what had just happened in the previous scene and moved on to the next massacre.

Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter of the Saw saga. It was a perfect example of a low budget movie shot within very specific restrictions (one location and few actors) and done very effectively. It had a star (the before mentioned Elwes), it had a cool look, and it had a cool twist of an ending. Unfortunately for them, Tobin Bell became an overnight sensation and they decided they could make a whole series of movies based on the fact that he has a scary voice when played back on a tape recorder. Somewhere along the way the series became about traps that mangled people, people sacrificing others to save themselves, and generally spraying gore on the screen without really having much story behind it.

Saw 3D is a perfect example of too much of a good thing. A little blood, a nice twist, or even a few jump scares can go a long way, but seven movies worth of the same gags over and over again can really put a damper on things. The first time I see someone’s head ripped in half by a steampunk bear trap, I’m effected, after that I’m just bored, a little grossed out, but ultimately not entertained by what you spent seventeen millions dollars to produce. Maybe if you were forced to make all the sequels to Saw for the original movies 1.6 million dollar budget you would have been able to come up with a better story, or maybe you would have realized that sometimes good enough should be left alone. Either way we would have probably been better off.

Saw 3D was a fitting end to this series. It started off with a bang and then slowly meandered its way through tediousness and boredom until ultimately everyone was either dead, bored, or got lost on a trip to the snack bar. I say skip Saw 3D and visit the snack bar instead, I’m sure they might have some interesting stories there.

The Noob has spoken…

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Everything Must Go Review- Lone Star Film Festival

Posted on 16 November 2010 by Dana Archip

This past weekend I attended the Lone Star Film Festival in Ft. Worth. It

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