For my first column, I’d like to talk about sequels. I like sequels. When done right (Spiderman 2) they can expand upon the universe, explore the characters in greater depth than the original allowed, and resolve dangling plot threads from the previous film. When not done well, and sadly this is often the case, they not only are a terrible movie, they retroactively ruin the previous film. (On the plus side, they do allow a lot of actors to pay back what I assume are massive gambling debts.)
Thus, to preserve my sanity and continued enjoyment of the first installment(s), there are sequels I just pretend don’t exist. As far as I’m concerned, these movies were never green-lighted, scripted, cast, financed, catered, filmed, produced, and released. They didn’t happen, and a pox on anyone who tries to shatter my precious illusion. (And yes, I am aware of the irony that writing about movies I pretend don’t exist violates my own rule. I’m sure we can move past it.)
So let’s take a look at some sequels that, after this writing, I will go back to pretending that they didn’t happen. They can rejoin all my other repressed memories. They’re having a party and want these memories to bring Jenga.