When dealing with a movie such as Saw 3D, one must take into consideration three things. One, do I have eighty minutes to spare? Sure, I’m a movie nerd, what else do I have but time. Two, am I susceptible to becoming squeamish at the sight of seeing a large fish hook on a string pulled from the stomach through the mouth? Yes, but I never let a fishhook throat gag get in the way of a good story. And three, do I honesty care that Carey Elwes’s career has sunk to the level that he must partake in such a sorry excuse for a movie? I’ve never seen The Princess Bride so I don’t hold him in nearly the high regard as most people so I decided to see it.
Let’s get straight to the point, this was an awful movie and by awful I mean there really seemed to be no point in what I was seeing on the screen. No character development, no interesting dialogue, not one opportunity to establish that I should really care at all for the people being ripped to pieces and splattered about the room (other than the fact that it was in 3D). What’s the point of killing people off if nobody watching the movie cares? There’s absolutely no emotional impact when somebody dies. Even when the wife of one of the main characters gets burned alive after her lying husband fails to save her and she perishes in front of him I felt nothing for her, him, or the family members they may or may not have left behind (who knows, like I said no character development). By the time one killing gag was over I had pretty much forgotten what had just happened in the previous scene and moved on to the next massacre.
Don’t get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed the first chapter of the Saw saga. It was a perfect example of a low budget movie shot within very specific restrictions (one location and few actors) and done very effectively. It had a star (the before mentioned Elwes), it had a cool look, and it had a cool twist of an ending. Unfortunately for them, Tobin Bell became an overnight sensation and they decided they could make a whole series of movies based on the fact that he has a scary voice when played back on a tape recorder. Somewhere along the way the series became about traps that mangled people, people sacrificing others to save themselves, and generally spraying gore on the screen without really having much story behind it.
Saw 3D is a perfect example of too much of a good thing. A little blood, a nice twist, or even a few jump scares can go a long way, but seven movies worth of the same gags over and over again can really put a damper on things. The first time I see someone’s head ripped in half by a steampunk bear trap, I’m effected, after that I’m just bored, a little grossed out, but ultimately not entertained by what you spent seventeen millions dollars to produce. Maybe if you were forced to make all the sequels to Saw for the original movies 1.6 million dollar budget you would have been able to come up with a better story, or maybe you would have realized that sometimes good enough should be left alone. Either way we would have probably been better off.
Saw 3D was a fitting end to this series. It started off with a bang and then slowly meandered its way through tediousness and boredom until ultimately everyone was either dead, bored, or got lost on a trip to the snack bar. I say skip Saw 3D and visit the snack bar instead, I’m sure they might have some interesting stories there.
The Noob has spoken…